Ten Points of Painting

It's 12:30 a.m. and I should be in bed. I have been pleasantly surprised at how "therapeutic" blogging is and have found that in writing my frustrations I can regain my sense of humour.

We, as in hubs and I, have been stupid. We've been stupid because we have undertaken a home renovation project just two short months after finishing our last one.

"And when ye are tried, ye shall come forth as gold..."

I'm expecting my crown any day.

Hubs surprised me a few months ago by calling me to come to Home Depot because they had some laminate on sale. We bought it.

Point number 1: Hubs decided to buy laminate first, not me.

Because this laminate took up too much space in our already limited-for-space basement, and we were tripping over things, etc., hubs decided to use his May vacation time (this week) to install it.

Point number 2: Hubs decided to use his vacation time, not me.

Because hubs informed me that everything had to be cleared out of the living room, ie., the hutch cleaned out, ornaments put away, etc., I decided it would be a brilliant idea to PAINT, since our house would be in disarray anyway, right?

Bad idea.

Point number 3: I decided to paint at the same time, but hubs agreed that it made sense.

Day 1: (Monday, May 19)

Renos begin. I pick up paint the day before so I can begin first thing Monday morning. I picked out the colors and went to Home Depot to buy it all by myself. This is a big step for me, since I've never done it before. At the recommendation of my dear sister, Laura (spoken with no bitterness), I buy the best paint in the world, Behr paint. At the recommendation of the "lady in the paint department", I coordinate the colors and buy the paint. I asked her if I needed primer, because my dear sister Laura (again, spoken with no bitterness), said I needed it. The paint lady said, "no, I shouldn't need it, because my walls were such a pale color now".

Point number 4: The paint lady said I didn't need primer.

I take the paint home and begin with relish. Hubs labours away on the laminate and ignores me. I paint away the second coat. Hubs continues his work. Before applying the third coat, hubs comes out of hibernation to see how it's coming, and promptly.....well.....has a spaz attack. There are places where the paint is running down the wall! Me, in my haste and excitement, didn't notice it and it started to set. Nice. Hubs takes a paint brush and tries to fix my mistake, resulting in a "textured" wall, which I wasn't trying for. Then he freaks out about how bad the paint is and, despite my pleading, waters it down!

Day 2: (Tuesday, May 20)

Hubs begins the day by sanding down my textured wall. I then applied not one, not two, but four more coats! Yes, a total of seven coats of paint! I thought it would take four (because it was a deep cranberry color), but seven?

Point number 5: Remember, the paint was watered down.

Day 3: (Wednesday, May 21)

Hubs and I spend the day in relative harmony, despite the fact that we kept running into things that needed to be done that were not anticipated. Hubs cut baseboards and sealed the windows. I painted doorways (which were a dark brown), doors, mudded and sanded (first time experience), and emptied my hutch. I sat down for a total of 45 minutes all day. While I was finishing my last coat of white on a doorframe, hubs goes into cardiac arrest. He went to remove the tape on the beautifully done wall and brings out a portion of rubbery paint! He also chips it twice while putting on the baseboard. He goes into his 97th rant about the DUMB paint: "What kind of stupid paint is this! I'm taking it all back to Home Depot! The dumb stuff is rubber! I've never seen dumber paint!......."

It was the "I'm taking the paint back to Home Depot" that sent me over edge. What! What am I going to do? How am I going to match up paint? Will I have to start all over? Is my wall wrecked? How will I fix it now? I only have this week to paint the living room, dining room and hallway, which brought on my attack.

Several hours later.....a tad bit calmer....after I cried buckets thinking my wall was ruined and wondering how to fix a wall that was "over-painted", calling my dear sister, Laura, twice, in hysterics....hubs asks me if I read the paint can. I said, "no, why would I do that?"

Point number 6: Remember, this is the second time I have ever painted, and the first time I ever picked out the paint all by myself.

Point number 7: I thought paint was to be painted with, not read about.

Hubs informs me that this paint needed a primer (refer to point number 4) and needed two hours to dry and four hours between coats, according the label. I waited a minumum of one hour between coats and used no primer. On top of that, I was using watered down paint after the second coat.

The only defense I have is my inexperience. And the fact that during our last project painting Hannah's room, fairly dark colors, I needed no primer and had no problems whatsoever like this. Hubs sarcastically asks me why I didn't read the instructions. I sarcastically asked him why he didn't read the instructions prior to watering down the paint. After all, he's the resident expert. He said the paint was dumb from the beginning when the paint wasn't really the problem. He reminded me that it wasn't his idea to paint.

Point number 8: Never listen to the paint lady.

Point number 9: Never do a second renovation projection two months after the first.

Point number 10: Never let your husband use his vacation to do a project. It's a way to ruin a good vacation.

If tomorrow doesn't improve, I might have to consider finding a lawyer....

Just kidding! Kind of.