Wednesday, May 7, 2008

To Kill Or Not To Kill

Well, I'm going to blog away my frustrations.

About my dear son (DS).

10:30 a.m.: DS messes his underwear. And not just "number 1". DS is informed he cannot play on the computer for the rest of the week, since this is the only time he seems to have accidents.

11:30 a.m.: While outside cleaning up the flowerbed, DS decides to scatter the dirt pile that is not yet swept up all over the driveway so that his mother can sweep up the whole driveway instead of her little pile. More than once. His mom loves sweeping driveways anyway, and has all the time in the world. Minor incident? On any other day, perhaps, but please refer to 10:30 a.m.

12:00 noon: Grandma calls DS to help her clean something of his up in the living room, and DS replies, "No, I'm gonna kill you grandma!". Yes, kill. Never said it before, and will undergo a hemiglossectomy if it happens again. DS becomes acquainted with the corner while DS's mother reviews in her brain and questions his sister where on earth he heard that from. Still do not know.

1:00 p.m.: DS takes a little nap in his bed. Yes, his bed. Mom has been letting him lie down on her bed for a nap because she couldn't see the harm, but the privilege is revoked today.

4:00 p.m.: DS actually wakes up happy. Mom is suspicious.

5:45 p.m.: After supper, DS's big sister gets a few minutes computer time before church. Mom informed DS's daddy of his earlier accident and his suspended computer privileges. DS doesn't see why he can't sit beside his sister and watch her on the computer. Daddy informs him that he cannot. DS informs daddy that he can. Daddy keeps DS on his lap in the kitchen. DS informs daddy that he'll just take a quick "peek", that he "won't watch, he'll just walk by". Daddy informs DS that he will not peek or walk by. After trying to negotiate for several minutes, DS gives up the fight and goes in his room to read a book.

7:25 p.m.: Church. Yep, one of those services. DS and his sister start giggling within 1.5 minutes of song service (they were separated prior or it would have happened sooner, most likely). Mom threatens both with a trip downstairs to see how padded their backsides are. Thirty seconds pass, maximum. DS tries to tackle his sister, resulting in the attempted removal of his left ear and the resultant shriek. Dear mom grabs him and whispers......sweet nothings.....and he miraculously stops shrieking.

7:26 p.m.: The pastor stops by to shake DS's hand, and DS informs him that "ladybugs don't shake hands!"

8:00 p.m.: DS's mother barely makes it through song service with DS hanging on her neck and kissing her constantly like a puppy dog, he says (he momentarily forgot he was a ladybug). While DS is hugging his mother's neck, just as they are sitting down he decides to kick the back of the pew, almost putting her back out.

8:50 p.m.: Trying to leave church, DS lets out a shriek in the vestibule (because he was tormented, more than once, by some people who should know better but don't), resulting in a tongue-lashing from the resident tongue-lasher.

9:45 p.m.: While finishing his bed time snack, he informs his sister that he is going to "kill her". Yep, those words again.

The hemiglossectomy will be undertaken tomorrow.


Laura said...

I am begging you not to preform the surgery tomorrow...I need his humor!!! He makes me laugh, smile and I love him to pieces. I howled when I read this one.

He has quite the imagination and you had quite the day. My only suggestion is to keep him away from Calvin and Hobbs reading material, because I am sure he will try and strive to be just like him!

Rachel said... is kind of dumb sometimes..Im glad you meant to rip his lips off, not render him unable to reproduce!

Darla said...

For anyone who doesn't know, hemiglossectomy means "removal of half of your tongue". My dear niece, Rachel, somehow thought I said "hemiVASECTOMY" - yikes!...and thought I was being a "little harsh" with my son!

Not sure why she'd think that!!??

Laura said...

He is still my little man and I love him to bits! Yes, he isn't mine and that's precisely why I can laugh until my sides hurt.

rrgoff06 said...

Oh, my goodness!! I honestly thought I was the only one with a child like this! It's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone in the world, and, fortunately for you, you're not either. I seriously laughed out loud, although with empathy, for I can see and hear Janessa doing the exact same things... Great post!!!

Julie said...

Sounds like a very brilliant four year old who has his parents figured out. Try soap next time he wants to "kill" someone. you think he got that phrase" I'm going to kill you!" from aunt Laura? :)
ps - four year old boys do find going to the bathroom a very great inconvenience when captivated by something. I once had three four yr olds.

Darla said...

Rachel: Can you imagine if Janessa and Seth spent a day together?

Julie: Yep, he has us figured, although his dad wouldn't admit that. Boys will say and do things just because they're boys and are made this way. Only having nieces and a girl first, I'm a bit slow on this. I'm sure he'll be out of the house before I'll have it half figured out.

Who'd have thunk it would require such brilliance to parent?

Anonymous said...

Excuse me here Julie, but I like how I automatically get blamed for the not so great behavior!!! must remember who his dad is! Now if he came out and said something like, "Whatever", then you would have a hard time convincing me and others it wasn't me!


rrgoff06 said...

What a blast!! They can be at YOUR house!!!!!! Thanks for the invite... Just teasing. I absolutely cannot imagine the havoc they would wreak... My imagination does not go that far.

Rachel said...

Oh goodness...ack...two peas in a pod. It would be like Jenna and Thomas when they were little.