Friday, April 2, 2010


My husband is.......getting old. But he is NOT get any dumber. And Today is his birthday.

Last night my daughter and I plotted and planned. We wanted to follow the true family tradition - started by my husband - and wake him up as early as possible with his gifts. So, Hannah and I made a pact: whoever awoke first was to wake the other.

True to the plan, at precisely 5:57 a.m., (!!!!) Hannah crept quietly to my bedside, shook me awake and whispered that "it was time". Stealthily, we went back to her bedroom, shut her door and turned on her light. There we wrapped all of Dave's gifts, put them in a gift bag, turned off the light, quietly opened the door and went into Seth's room. I went up to his bed, gently shook him awake and whispered that it was "daddy's birthday, and time to get up to quietly surprise him". He nodded yes and I carried him into our room.

And found the bed empty.

I stood there for a half a second, stupidly trying to process the fact that my husband was missing, wondering if I should call 9-1-1, but then started to search (my kids hanging on to me for dear life). I looked all around our room, in our bathroom, in Seth's room (thinking maybe he went in there while I was in Hannah's room), and basically in every room upstairs, turning the light on only when I reached the kitchen. He was nowhere to be found UPSTAIRS.

That old fox had to be downstairs, I thought.

However, at 6:00 a.m., in the almost-darkness, and in a slight sleep-induced stupor, I WAS NOT GOING DOWNSTAIRS. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would drop dead of a heart attack when he jumped out to scare me. You have to understand our basement - it is hide-and-seek PARADISE. It's been in a constant state of renovations for a dozen years (and will likely stay that way.....) and there are tons of places to hide.

I crept to the last stair of the basement, turned on the one light within my reach, scanned the area, and informed my husband:

"You can come out now. I am not coming to look for you. If you want your gifts, you have to come upstairs!" and went back upstairs.

My daughter was waiting for me at the top of the stairs.

"You'll never guess where dad is," she said.

"Where?" I asked.

"Lying in bed," she answered.

He had been hiding behind the clothes in our closet and since I didn't turn on the light, I didn't see him. I honestly didn't think he would have the brain cells that early in the morning to do something like that.

The kids attacked him and he sat up like a King, a smug look on his face, much pleased with himself. I couldn't help but be thankful that I didn't look in the closet, because it would have been the day my husband became a widower and my children became motherless.

I have until Father's Day - the next time we can plan an early morning incident - to figure out how to outfox that man.

I am very open to suggestions.


Laura said...

Not sure how he heard you guys wake up. He usually sleeps pretty dead to the world, doesn't he?

That was a good one and I had a pretty good visual of you standing on the last stair hollering at him. No wonder your youngest is skitzed when it comes to scaring him!

Darla said...

Yeah, well I'm not too impressed about it. You're supposed to be helping me think of a good way to get him back on Father's Day, by the way.

Rachel Peterson said...

Fox40 whistle at 0400 hrs. 'Nuff said.

Darla said...

Oh that I wish I actually had the guts for that one, Rach.....

Rachel Peterson said...

Too bad it sounds like a fire alarm...

Rachel R said...

I can tell you from first hand experience, being woken up from an air horn is BEYOND shocking. (thanks to my not so innocent sister)

You may wake up a few neighbors and decrease his ability to hear.

On second thought - not such a good idea. LOL

Cute story!

Rachel Peterson said...

Pots and pans, bagpipes, or terrible head-banger music are all ways this chickie has been woken up. The most preferable is bagpipes. Rachel, I cannot see Laura doing that, really! That is too funny.

Darla said...

Oh ladies, how I wish I could! But I want to remain.....married.....for a few years yet.......:)

Rachel R said...

Rachel P. - that's why I say "not so innocent"... She's got every one fooled! lol! jk

And it really wasn't that long ago... It was a few weeks before her wedding, to be exact ... when she did that to me. lol!