Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Recycled Slobber

While the kids were enjoying some computer time today, I was enjoying some solitude in Seth's bedroom because it was the coolest room in the house. Even though it wasn't a hot day, I found it humid because of the rain.

As I was......relaxing......on his bed, they both came in and launched an attack. After tolerating cannonballs for a while, I decided my body had had enough abuse so we decided to stack ourselves like a pyramid - I was on the bottom, then Hannah and then Seth. We did this for a while with the kids toppling over onto the floor, laughing hysterically. Then they each decided to combine their efforts to push me off the bed. It's a pretty tough job for one so.....uh...sturdy....as myself, but their valiant efforts paid off eventually and they succeeded in pushing me off the bed onto the floor.

While we were wrestling, Seth started his kissing. This is the kissing that is all over my face - rendering me helpless with laughter. I decided that since Hannah had been left out of the kissing that I would smooch her on the cheeks. Hannah loves hugging all the time and allows kissing only at bed time. In between times she just tolerates them. So she decided rather than letting me kiss her that she would kiss me (that way she could choose just how much to kiss me rather than having to endure it). However, I was rather gypped out of her kiss because just as she bent to kiss my right cheek, she realized it was still wet from Seth's recent display of elaborate affection. And that grossed her out.

Which brought to remembrance our trip in the van yesterday, and the main reason for this post.

Every child's fondest memories of growing up absolutely should include the thrill of listening to Adventures in Odyssey. For anyone who does not know what Adventures in Odyssey is, it is a radio show produced by Focus on the Family, specifically designed for children 8-12 years of age. I do not know of any child that stopped listening at age 12; most children reared on this program continue to listen well past that age and, in fact, most adults enjoy it immensely. Myself included. It is a wholesome, family radio show that provides many laughs, sometimes tears, and always teaches a moral lesson. Our family has been listening to Adventures in Odyssey in the van for a couple of months now; everywhere we go it's on. We all enjoy it, but Hannah enjoys it particularly. Most of the time.

Yesterday we were listening to a story about the Washington family. The Washington family is a wonderful Christian family that was trying to actually be on time for church because it was their turn to quote scripture as a family during the service. Well, bad things kept happening to hinder their progress; things like Marvin, the son, getting gum stuck in his hair resulting in his dad, Ed, trying to cut it out with scissors, creating a terrible dent in his head (according to the daughter, Tameka, anyway). Eventually the hair clippers were taken to his head, causing a terrible mess of a haircut. It was all quite hilarious.

I could not understand in the midst of laughing at the Washington chaos why Hannah kept telling me emphatically that she DID NOT want to listen to this episode. It was funny and not at all suspenseful. She kept protesting, saying she had heard this one before (I had not). I told her to relax, we were listening to it, much to her dismay. I wanted to hear it and, as I said, it was funny.

To top off the already stressful morning, Bart Rathbone shows up at their door because he was apparently kicked out of his house that morning by his wife for eating cheesedoodles in the shower. For anyone not knowing who Bart Rathbone is, please bear with me. It's because of this obnoxious knothead that I'm telling this story at all. Because that's what he is. An obnoxious, dishonest business owner that all the good Christian folks of Odyssey tolerate. Because, unfortunately, he is one of those people that can only be tolerated.

Anyway, he shows up at the door in his bathrobe asking to come in. He then proceeds to make himself quite at home. While the Washington family is trying to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles to make it out the door in time for church, Bart takes over the house. He uses their shower. He helps himself to a shirt of Ed's. He sits down to eat breakfast, complaining the whole time. He advises Elaine (the mom) to invest in soap for people who have sensitive skin. He also helps himself to the beautiful cheesecake that Elaine just made because they were having the pastor and his family over for lunch after church.

And Hannah keeps on protesting. I keep on howling with laughter.

The Washingtons are almost out the door. Despite their many hindrances, they think they're going to make it on time to church. Bart has nowhere to go so they very kindly let him stay in their home. Bart actually finds some manners and starts to thank the Washingtons for their hospitality.

And Hannah's protests escalate.

Bart thanks them for the use of the shower. He thanks them for the shirt. He thanks them for the cheesecake.

And Hannah's head is now down in the back seat. Her arms are covering her face. And she is protesting.

And then Bart says the final thank you. He thanks the Washingtons for the use of their pink toothbrush.

Uh......the lightbulb comes on.

Poor Tameka Washington spits out the window all the way to church because she's sure she has Rathbone breath.

And poor Hannah escapes the van, swallowing convulsively. No joke.

Hmm....She really does not handle recycled slobber very well at all.

I sure hope her future husband enjoys lots of hugs.


Laura said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenna said...

hehehe. this is really funny, I even remember this story. lol. This made my day....lol. I remember how many things we did or didn't do because we listened to a story...lol.

Darla said...

Jen: You should see Hannah when she listens to anything "romantic", like Connie and Mitch when they were dating. She is in the backseat, literally sighing and grinning from ear to ear. It's hilarious! The girl is only six for goodness sake!

Jenna said...

haha, i always thought they were completely hilarious to listen too..lol. that's funny.

Mrs. Wizzle said...

Too funny!

Mrs. Wizzle said...

You could title it "AS THE STOMACH TURNS" ! Ha ha

Darla said...

Mrs. Wizzle: Great title...wish I would have thought of it.

Rachel said...

OOOOOOOkay..lol..this was one of the funniest things I have read all day! Your daughter is quite unique, and I cannot wait until she is a teenager....I will be the kewl cuzin to help her through her boy troubles...