Large Families

Children are a blessing. The fruit of the womb is HIS reward.

I had an interesting discussion with someone yesterday. This young woman brought up the infamous Duggar family, who is apparently expecting their 20th child. Now I realize that we live in a time when 20 children is unheard of. Fifteen children is rare. Ten children is considered a huge family. Five or six children is slightly more common. BUT 20!!

She said: "You cannot tell me that those children get much one-on-one time with their parents!!".....harrumph!

I said: "You cannot tell me that 2.5 children in a two-working-parent home where the children are either in daycare or left at home alone after school (if they're old enough) until a parent gets home from work (and is away at school all day.....but I didn't say that.....) gets ANY MORE one-on-one time with mommy or daddy!".......harrumph #2!

She said: "Touche....."

But, she still doesn't really agree. (And we really didn't argue......we were just vehement in our opinion....).

I've been thinking a lot about large families, particularly large families with good, responsible parents. Just because OUR SOCIETY says it's stupid, wrong, too hard on the children, blah, blah, blah, blah, doesn't mean that is the way GOD views children. Society just doesn't "get" God. Our society is way too narcissistic. We think unless we can give our children designer clothes, a car when they're 16, and pay for their college WE HAVE FAILED.

Let me tell you what I think. I think that unless my child earns their own money, they will NEVER get designer clothing. Even then, it would be closely monitored and ON SALE. I think that it is good for a child to work, earn money, save from a young age and BUY THEIR OWN CAR. I think that if a parent invests in their child's education (which we do), it is better given AFTER - AND ONLY - IF THEY GRADUATE. But, I think it's okay for a child to work hard and put themselves through school too, and a parent need not be ashamed if they just cannot afford it.

I highly respect the Duggars. Not only do they live debt-free in a gorgeous house, their children are responsible, well mannered, well trained, well spoken, home educated children. I do not believe they are deprived. The Duggars have understood from the beginning that it was their job to teach, train and prepare their children to be responsible adults.

If you can't properly train your children - don't have them. But give me a well trained child from a large family ANY DAY over a snotty child in the "perfect" two child family.

Yes, this is a stereotype, but I believe by-in-large, it is an accurate one.

By the way, this is from the mother of two *perfect* children........((smile)).

Impulsive

I am convinced my son will cause me severe embarrassment the older he gets. He is the kind of boy who does most things on a whim. If a thought enters his brain, the action most certainly will follow.

Today we visited my Granny while at her day program. The kids wanted to see their Great Granny "in action", and the program invites drop-in visits. While there, I witnessed this thought-entering-the-brain-thingy in action. He thought it would be funny to hide. So he picks a poor, unsuspecting senior - who is NOT his Great Granny - to play hide-and-seek with, hiding behind her chair while she was eating. He waits for her to turn one way to see what is behind her, then he scoots the other way, out of sight. He plays this game as long as he doesn't get caught. Fortunately, it wasn't long, because I caught him and put a stop to it. I didn't want him to scare the wits out of this poor lady.

I have little hope of ending this problem. Seriously. I don't even have to be more than a hand's reach away for him to carry out some scheme of his. In this case I was right there, speaking to my Granny. Yes, I can punish him, but I have yet to find a punishment that will curb his impulsive behaviour.

That little episode was nothing, though, compared to this next event.

We were outside the hospital (where her day program is) when a woman rushed past us. This woman unintentionally scared Seth because he didn't hear or see her coming. He moved out of the way when he realized it, and, as she rushed past, he hollered out:

"HEY! IS YOUR NAME TOOTIE BENNETT!!!"

Don't ask me where he comes up with his on-the-spot names, but I do suspect it is part of his DNA, which comes from his.....mother Great Aunt Bertha on his father's side.

It cannot possibly be my fault, after all.

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, I blogged.

Once upon a time, I could put words together to make a decent sentence.

Once upon a time, I had more confidence in what I wrote.

I don't know if it's because of facebook......I've gotten lazy writing a whole story and just post *little clips*....;

Or, because I really believe my stories are mostly........recycled;

Or, because I am gone from my home almost half the time now, and thus away from my computer; (I don't have a computer at my Granny's, and I'm one of the last standing who have a cell phone with NO internet....)

Or, ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Whatever the case, maybe......one day, I will get back to blogging. I don't know. Time will tell.

Because, once upon a time, I REALLY enjoyed it.

Serious Girl

My daughter got 63% on a spelling test today. She has never received a mark that low or done so poorly on any assignment before. She is struggling to concentrate.

She is more impatient than she has ever been.

Despite doing so well in piano, she has two songs she has not been able to pass that she has been working on for several weeks. She seems to get a portion of it perfect, and then falls apart in another part of the song (I mean that literally.....tears AND tantrums). The next time she plays it, the parts she does perfect are reverse. She cannot seem to play the whole song(s) through in its entirety.

She is a perfectionist. Her piano teacher pointed that out to me today.

She has been frustrated for several weeks about many things. She cries at the drop of a hat. She is extremely serious about EVERYTHING.

She is very intense.

Although she has laughed with and at other people, she cannot laugh at herself.

She is nine.

Besides the obvious....growing-up-getting-close-to-teenager-moodiness.....she needs the Holy Ghost.

I seriously do covet your prayers.

12 Years......

Yesterday I was married for 12 years.

Dave has long excelled at trying to surprise me and/or the kids. In fact, every tradition we have on birthdays and other special events is because of him. He started waking up in the wee morning hours to surprise the *special* individual. This is now a family tradition for everything.

This year, the kids and I spent the evening before (Saturday) at my granny's house. My granny is needing a lot of supervision and so until a long term solution is found, my sisters and I share this responsibility. Because I wasn't home on the morning of my anniversary, I *assumed* Dave would not be able to keep his early morning tradition. I should have known he had something up his sleeve.

Apparently on Saturday, while I was still at my own house, he tried to reach my mom. Not getting her at her number, he phoned my granny (who lives upstairs) to see if my mom was there. Granny said that she wasn't. This began a wild goose chase because.......my Granny was very confused. When I arrived there Saturday later, she told me that Elgan (her youngest son) was trying to reach my mom. On questioning my mom, she told me she did not receive a phone call from Elgan. My Granny also called my dad to say that Elgan tried to reach Marlene and couldn't get her, which concerned my dad because his other brother is currently in the hospital in Regina recovering from a very serious illness. He was wondering if this is why Elgan was trying to reach my mom. He then told Laura. Laura called me to ask why Elgan would be trying to reach mom. As a result, I ended up texting Elgan, asking if he was trying to reach my mom, to which he replied that he had not been. This left my Granny.....and myself....confused and without answers.

The mystery was solved early Sunday morning. My mom.....along with my kids.....woke me up early to give me an anniversary gift....FROM MY HUSBAND....who was in bed at home! Apparently he plotted to get me up very early despite being separated from him for the night, by calling my mom, sneaking to her house without my Granny's knowledge, to drop off a gift so that I could have it first thing in the morning. This was who called Granny, and who Granny mistakenly thought was her youngest son. My mom knew all along and eventually filled in my dad and sister.

My Granny was comforted, and I was much impressed with my crafty husband. I thought the day couldn't get much better. I was wrong.

On the way to church Sunday night, he pulls out ANOTHER CARD. Dave is very, very, VERY good at picking out awesome cards. In fact, he's very good at WRITING awesome poems and really should just open his own Hallmark shop and write his own material (although he IS getting rather rusty at the poem writing business....**hint, hint.....**). Totally surprising me, I read the card all misty-eyed, and then found he also got me a gift card to my very favorite store. TWO GIFTS. BOTH SURPRISES. BOTH VERY THOUGHT OUT AND WELL PLANNED. What a guy......

And now the topper.......because our anniversary was on a Sunday; because we go to church in the morning and evening; AND because we had a corn boil planned after the morning service, we decided not to go out for dinner until tonight.

Therefore......we are continuing our TWO DAY celebration this evening by going out for dinner to a very nice restaurant. Our once-a-year tradition to a classy place. On our anniversary.

After all, it HAS been 12 years. And that's worth celebrating.

Life's Lessons

Perhaps it's because our life is very hectic right now; perhaps it's because we (the kids and I) are staying three nights/days a week with my Granny; perhaps it's because we have been in a Laura Ingalls Wilder phase; OR perhaps it's all of the combined reasons......but once again I have come full circle to realize that I have let too many things slip....AGAIN....as a parent.

So why would this have anything to do with the above? Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, my Granny had an incident that has made us concerned about leaving her alone. As a result, my sisters and I have been taking turns staying overnight during the week, as well as having someone with Granny at least most of the time during the day. We have no idea how long this will be for. Truthfully, we are considering it to be indefinite, since Granny's deepest desire is NOT to be placed in a nursing home. We are trying our very best to grant her her wish.

Because of this, we are sleeping four nights a week at home. The days at home are packed with getting stuff done around the house, doing our paper route, and such things. It will only get busier once we begin school again.

On top of this, my dad has just recently been diagnosed with multiple myeloma, which is cancer of his bone marrow. Fortunately, it's in the early stages and he should respond quite well to chemotherapy. I have been running with my dad to appointments, and between my sisters and I we will be taking him to his weekly, 3-4 hours at-one-time, appointments.

That is why my life is hectic.

I am finding myself *tuning out* my kids' behaviour too much. And, when they are in a different house almost half of their week, and when their behaviour affects my Granny, then I begin to realize how much I must *buckle up* and improve.

I could make excuses for them. They sleep on a blow up mattress on the floor and don't sleep well. They don't have any "down" time in their own room. I don't have any "down" time and am more impatient than ever. I don't have the freedom to take them as much to the park as I used to.....only when Granny is feeling well enough. When I am home it's not much fun because I'm busy catching up.

However, as tired as I am.....I know this is really no excuse. It shows a lack of training on my part more than anything. And, in the long run, I am very GLAD that their lives are so different right now. I want them to understand that life is not all about them. I want them to understand the importance of family, and teach them to serve. I.....as in ME...... just needs to improve.

As I mentioned above, we have been on a Laura Ingalls Wilder kick. I have never before listened (or read) intently to the entire stories. However, during The Long Winter, my interested piqued and I have been reading the rest of the stories since.

I realize that during the time they lived in, generally kids were more obedient and parents were more consistent disciplinarians. However, Charles and Caroline Ingalls were, from all accounts, VERY even-tempered, NEVER raised their voice, RARELY spanked their children.....and yet their children were very well behaved and obedient. They had a heart to please their parents.

One particular incident in the book really *yanked* my chain. Laura, 14 at the time, was picked on wrongfully by her teacher. The teacher really took a dislike to Laura and Carrie and let it show. One time Laura was sent home from school because she stood up to how the teacher treated her little sister. Charles and Caroline NEVER once sided with Laura......they told Laura that she must ALWAYS respect the teacher. Another time, Charles and two other school board members walked into the school for an inspection (after hearing that the teacher had no control over the class), and the teacher accused Laura of being the main problem in her class. Charles took it in stride, would not let Laura defend herself, and informed the teacher that the school board supported her and admonished the children to obey their teacher. Afterward at home, Charles let Laura know that he knew she didn't intend to cause trouble but there must have been something she had said at some time to let the teacher behave as she did toward her. They discovered what it was....a statement blown entirely out of context......and used it to teach her a lesson to keep her mouth shut.

How many parents these days would react this way? Would I? Yet I believe with all of my heart their parenting was 100 percent correct.

Bro. Steve Pixler preached at camp meeting this year, and his last message in particular was a revelation. I don't ever want to forget it. He said that the true suffering of the cross was not bearing our own scars from past failures and mistakes. It was suffering WRONGFULLY. And IN SILENCE. Until we could do that, we really could not be like Jesus. We could not be resurrected into a NEW MAN. He even told a story very similar to the one of Laura, where his daughter was wrongfully accused by someone, but he kept his mouth shut, had his daughter apologize to this person......all so he could teach his daughter a valuable lesson.

My point is this: Although the times I live in is different, I KNOW I want to be that kind of parent. Staying at home with them AND even homeschooling them....simply is not enough. I must be engaged. I don't believe my convictions are wrong of what their behaviour should be like (and trust me, I question myself all the time), but what is wrong is my REACTION. Or lack thereof.

So, all of this is weighing on my mind. Life is bringing out inadequacies. And that's okay. That's as it should be. I really do just want to improve.

The Gift

I've been handed a gift.

My dear, adorable 90-year-old Granny has recently had some health issues. As a result, she was put on an antibiotic that we were warned had a slight chance of affecting her blood sugar, causing it to plunge. In a diabetic, this is not good news.

Yesterday morning I was at an appointment. My kids were with my mom, who *just happened* to NOT be volunteering like she usually is. When I got out of my appointment, I saw that I had a text message from my youngest sister to CALL HER. She was at my moms.

I knew it must be serious. She had been at work the last I knew. I called her. She told me that my Granny very suddenly deteriorated to the point where she had to lay down, wouldn't eat, was feverish, and barely coherent. Mom, not able to reach me or my older sister, called my youngest sister, who dropped everything and ran over. She told me she was very close to calling an ambulance - that's how unresponsive my Granny was.

I told her I would be home in a few minutes. I knew I had to check her blood sugar. My youngest sister had never done it, and neither had my mom. My Granny, my older sister and I were the only ones who did. Obviously, that will change.

I ran in the door, and immediately understood the concern. My Granny looked very frail lying on the couch. She was so "out of it" that when I poked her finger she didn't even know or care. I was surprised then to discover that her blood sugar was a little high.

I then found out (although I had been told this already but didn't retain it) that my mom very wisely was able to get my Granny to drink some Pepsi just before she *crashed*. And I honestly believe this drink of Pepsi is what saved my Granny's life.

It took about an hour after drinking the Pepsi, (about ten minutes after I got there) but my Granny came to and, after initially being very weak, was able to get up and walk about with the assistance of Lana and I. We took her immediately to the doctor, where my suspicions were confirmed. Her blood sugar dropped dangerously low. She was taken off the antibiotic that interfered with her blood sugar and switched to a different one that didn't. (Likely should've been what was done from the beginning......but then hindsight is always perfect.....).

The implications of what could have been are very difficult to think about. *If* my mom wasn't home......*if* my mom didn't give her a quick sugar fix.....*if* my mom couldn't have reached my sister......

We quickly made arrangements to have someone monitoring my Granny at all times while being treated for this illness. That meant staying through the night and during the day when my mom was not home (plus giving my mom some peace and reassurance, which she very much needed AND deserved). As a result, my kids and I had a sleepover at Granny's last night.

I made a pledge to my Granny a little while ago that I would do my best to serve her to the best of my capacity. Even though there have been times it has made my life very hectic, I honestly feel like I've been given a privilege. I wonder if I would have felt that way 20....or even 10 years ago?

Last night I helped my Granny. I became her servant. When she was finally ready for bed, I told her I was going to tuck her in. She smiled and said, "okay". She sat on the edge of her bed, not moving. I repeated my request. She smiled at me, realizing she really would have to indulge me. Then she laid down. I tucked her in nice and cozy.

Then I knelt beside her bed.

And I prayed. I thanked God for this wonderful woman. I asked Him to wrap Himself around her that night. I asked Him if He would touch her and heal her. I told Him I had the best Granny.

And I heard my precious Granny saying, "Jesus. Jesus."

I then leaned over and kissed her cheek. And said, "Night, night."

And I left her room knowing I had received a precious gift. Life had come full circle and the Granny that blessed me and at times tucked me in bed when I was little.....well, I was able to return the blessing.

As much as we enjoy reaping what we sow....assuming we have sown for the *good*, I realized how precious it was to be the instrument of blessing to my Granny.

And I will preserve this precious memory. For all time.