Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Stark Honesty

I've had writer's block lately. Except that would insinuate that I'm a writer, which I'm not. I simply like to put a few sentences together in a blog. I guess that means I have blogger's block. Added to that, I am bone weary. With winter. With ongoing situations. With homeschooling (which normally happens in January/February of the school year).

It's not that I don't have any writing material, either. Many times I tell myself that I have to blog about a particular incident, but by the time evening comes I can't seem to get it out. I have thought about shutting down my blog, an option that I am still considering. It may be time to simply stop my stories and compile the ones I have. Time will tell.

Frankly, I am struggling telling anything about my son because I don't know how to tell it in a positive manner. I love that boy-o-mine to distraction, but he is driving me stark, raving mad and at times I feel guilty about that. I am not sure how to deal with his constant craving for attention and am troubled by it because when I look into the future I see an attention-seeking boy and I wonder what lengths he will go to for attention. I shudder to think of him in public school because he is such a FOLLOWER. I suspect of my two children, he is "the crowd's" favourite because he is so funny and charming. They don't know my loss of sleep, or my extra worry lines in my forehead (hmm....on the other hand maybe they do.....) and several hundred more grey hair. Because I am concerned about the FUTURE of this boy.

I know He's in God's hands. I just struggle daily to leave him there. Maybe I should be better at trusting. Truthfully, I'm not. That's stark honesty. I know of better parents and better Christians whose kids rebel against them when they are older.

I don't worry about my girl in the same way, although I do worry. She is going to get her heart broken continuously because she sets her heart on things. For example, yesterday we went to the library, just her and I, after her piano lesson. We went to a different one than we normally do because we were in a different area of the city. This was the first thing to set her off. She wanted the "main" one. What was her undoing, however, was the fact that THIS library didn't have Thea Stilton books. She was pinning all her hopes on Thea Stilton. Boxcar Children wouldn't do. Our Canada books wouldn't do. American Girl books wouldn't do. Hardy Boys books wouldn't do (she's read the Nancy Drew books several times over). Only Thea Stilton would do.

She pitched a fit. She shocked me by it because it really isn't typical of her. She DEMANDED to know why we couldn't go to the "main" library! Harumph! She began pleading and begging - in the middle of the library - to drive to the other library. None of this was done very loud, but it was a public display nonetheless, and I had to tell her three times to stop. When we got into the car, I told her how very displeased I was with her behaviour in public and that in no uncertain terms would we be going to the other library after that display. She was so distraught that she told me that I "PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN LOVE HER"!!! (That was a first).

I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. (Does this make me mean?)

She sulked for a solid hour. Then she pulled me aside (we were at granny's house) and apologized to me. I thanked her for her apology, but asked her if she thought that meant I was taking her to the other library. She was honest (I love this about her). She told me that yes, she hoped I would, but she understood if I didn't and that she was still sorry.

We went today to the "main" library to get her beloved Thea Stilton books.

One last note.....since I'm on a role that may not come again for a while.......about my son. A couple of days ago he wore his clothes to bed. UNDERNEATH HIS PAJAMAS. He showed me them in the morning. He was "being sneaky", he said. We had a good laugh over that one. I have no idea how I could have missed his bulk.

And I just realized that, at least for a short time, I became unblocked. Good night all.


Cherylg said...

Your son doesn't have the Holy Ghost yet right? When he does get it, there will be changes as the HG deals with him about his downfalls. Praying that God will bring him to a place of receiving it and dealing with his ways. You just don't know how God can turn things around.

Prayers & Blessings

Sis'C :)

Darla said...

Thank you, Sis. C.

Rachel Peterson said...

Oh no, Sis C, I don't even think the Lord could do that much changing...After all the leopard can't change his stripes!
Love you aunty..:)

Cherylg said...

Rachel, are you rubbing it in??? LOL

Cherylg said...

Hey Rachel, you know what the scriptures say, "WITH GOD NOTHING is impossible"! =)

Darla said...

Yeah Rachel. Hush.....Sis. C gave me some hope.......:)

Cherylg said...

Oh yeah. Do you remember when Jacob ended up getting most of his father in-laws cattle and had the most healthiest . . . Genesis 30:37-43, Genesis 31: 1 & 2
God caused the cattle and sheep to produce the type that Jacob was allowed to keep for himself. God did some amazing things with those animals harmones. Do you also remember how God caused the king of Babylon to change his thinking. He did a total turn around. I am sure he can do it with a soft hearted little boy.