Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Letter To Parents

Dear Parent:

In front of the First Elementary School, you will notice two signs. In case you have forgotten how to read, note the picture of the sign to the left to help remind you of what this sign looks like. Just in front of these signs there is several hundred feet of parking.

Monday through Friday, from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m, in between these two signs - picture to my left - there is a spot reserved for something called a school bus. Again, in case you have forgotten how to read, please note the picture at the very top of this letter and have your translator point it out to you.

Now, I realize that you are a special family. Special families are families that think that they are the only ones who would possibly need to stop in a NO PARKING ZONE and that they are the only ones with true, extenuating circumstances. However, I'll let you in on a little secret. Your school, First Elementary, has several special families. In fact, your school has so many special families that you really should consider getting together to form your own Special Family Club. Each of these special families think they have special reason to take up the space designated for a school bus - picture noted above. And because there are so many special people at your school, the spot designated for a school bus to park is taken up many, many times per week. Which means that the school bus has to stop in the middle of the street, hold up traffic, sometimes for up to 15 minutes, and have children walk onto the road to get on and off the bus. As you can see, if you have any brains at all (and herein lies the problem), this is truly not ideal.

This is my suggestion to you. Go downtown to SGI and pick up the newest edition of the Saskatchewan Driver's Handbook. Turn to page 20, subsection 3.3, to the part titled Stopping And Parking. Please read the section at the bottom that says "You must not park where signs prohibit parking". Again, if you need a translator, have your translator read this section for you. Then, turn to page 63, subsection 4.5 to the part titled Traffic Signs And Signals. You will notice many pages of PICTURES, one of which prohibits parking in a school bus zone. And again, have your translator help you understand this if necessary. If you still fail to understand what the meaning of this is, please do everyone a favour and book an appointment to do the written portion of your driver's licence OVER AGAIN. Or perhaps book an appointment with an optometrist.

If all of the above fails to make you understand that, in spite of your specialness, you are not to park in a school bus zone, then perhaps having a parking enforcement officer spend a few days hanging around the school will. Getting hit in the pocket book usually works wonders.

I thank you for your serious attention to this matter. Remember: If the temptation becomes too much to walk that extra ten feet from YOUR designated parking area because you are in a rush to make it to little Johnny's hockey practice or Suzie's piano lesson - a few extra bucks in parking tickets might just make it impossible to pay for those things that are so important to your special family.

Kindest personal regards,

Atilla the Hun
Your Friendly Neighbourhood Bus Driver

Note: Please pray that I overcome the temptation NOT to really hand this letter out at my school. It was written in jest, but my goodness, does it ever tempt me.


Laura said...

If I were you I would still give it serious thought about sending it home with the parents...modified a little of course. Not too much though. Then if that doesn't work, then I would see about getting the commissionaire's out there to hand out the dandy tickets because first and formost is the safety of those children. If you are having to park on the street to let the kids off, there is something wrong.
Not sure where people's brains are...left them somewhere at home.

Loved the sarcasm...somehow I don't think the school or the scholboard would see the humor or appreciate it.

Darla said...

Uh, no, they wouldn't see the humour. But it sure helps me to get it off my chest.

Laura said...

Obviously don't know how to type, or I would have not have misspelled schoolboard. :)

palmtreequeen1 said...

I made a comment once that I didn't realize you could get degrees AS WELL as driver's licences out of Cracker Jacks boxes!! This just reconfirms my theory...lol

Darla said...

You know what's even worse, Deanna? Some of my co-worker busdrivers have actually experienced a parent REFUSING to move out of the bus zone and using foul language!

I don't know. I guess they need to get rid of cracker jacks altogether or something.

rrgoff06 said...

Can I get a copy of this for my girls' school, please? The icing on the cake there is the fact that there is a policelady there once a week, and the days she's not there, an off duty officer is there (not every day, but often). And STILL the people park in all the wrong places..... Sometimes I think that people got their BRAINS from the Cracker Jack box, not just their degrees and DL's!!!!

Rachel G

(Not a bit upset about this at all, am I?!?)

Darla said...

The icing on the cake for me, Rachel, is that there is plenty of parking in front of the bus stop that is NEVER full. In fact, this school has more parking available than most others, I believe. That's why I get so choked. These cars that take the bus stop have a place to park, they're just too stinkin' lazy.

Mrs. Wizzle said...

Darla: one of the staff meet the buses (sp?)every morning. they tend to not park where busses (sp?) stop with someone to wave them on.

Darla said...

Unfortunately I am unable to enforce that either, Mrs. Wizzle. Sometimes the principal or vice-principal is out there waving law-breakers on, but sometimes they just cannot get out there. It's then that these problems occur. They know my frustration, we've talked about it. But this frustration of mine is only one in a whole barrel of frustrations for them, which is a post for another time. But yes, overall that would solve the whole problem if it could be done regularly.

Amy St. Pierre said...

I could not stop laughing over this!!! You are so amazing, Darla!

Darla said...

Aww, thanks, Amy. Unfortunately sarcarsm is getting way more easy the older I get, so I'm not quite sure what I'll be like if I live to be 90.