Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Negotiator

I feel like I have to preface this story about my son with a little rant, first. Those of you who do not believe in spanking your kids, this post is NOT for you. However - and this is where I'm going to rant for a bit - spanking is a God-given recommendation for parents to use appropriately. Notice I used the word appropriately. I do not believe in beating my kids. But I do believe in spanking their bottoms when they disobey. Frankly, I'm feeling quite tired of defending my position. The Almighty God, Creator of every person, advises NOT to spare the rod, but we super intelligent, know-it-all human beings think we know more than the One who created us. And so many parents have lost their way.

Now that my rant is out of the way.....

My son usually listens to Jungle Jam, a kids broadcast similar to Adventures in Odyssey, while riding the bus. This has truly been a lifesaver, helping to keep him out of trouble.

It stopped working today, at the very beginning of our 1.25 hour bus ride.

And yes, monkey boy got into trouble. He wouldn't sit on his seat and made faces and goofed around nonstop. Contrary to my advisement otherwise. So, after dropping off the kids at my first school, I told him that when he got home he was getting a spanking. He decided that since he had blown it anyway, he might as well blow it good, and his behaviour got even worse.

Even if there would have been a slight chance that I forgot to spank him, he wouldn't let me forget it. I mentioned that we were going to an appointment shortly after we got home, only for him to correct me.

"No mom. First you're going to spank me, remember?"

What could I say to that? I wondered if he was just being a smarty pants at first, but came to realize that it was just weighing heavily on his mind because he couldn't stop talking about it. He then began his negotiations.

"Mom, how about you just pull my ear instead?" I have used this method at times as a direct correlation to him not listening.

I told him that wouldn't be happening.

"Mom, how about instead of pulling my ear, you poke it?" he again tried.

This was while driving the bus, with kids on it. I must confess that I felt a strong urge to laugh.

After I dropped off the last group of kids, he started again, even more seriously.

"Mom, how about just poking my ear?" he repeated.

I told him again that I would be spanking him.

"Mom, please don't spank me hard," he requested. Now by this time I wasn't even upset anymore, but I realized that I had to carry through with what I had told him would happen. I was silent because I was afraid I would laugh, and my silence made him nervous.

"Mom, if you spank me hard, do it gently."

His sister couldn't help herself at this statement. A chuckle escaped her.

"Mom, if grandma was here, she would LOCK YOU IN JAIL FOR THE DAY!" was his dire prediction.

At home, he flew through the door, scrambled out of his rubber boots, immediately sat down on his bum (in case I was right behind him) and slid UP the stairs on his bum, protecting it the whole time. I told him to go to his room to prepare for his spanking, all the while thinking, "Mark Lowry, eat your heart out".

At the end of the day, his three swats on the bum didn't kill him (imagine that?), and I still managed to get my 346 kisses and 93 hugs from him.

Hmm. Maybe parents need to take a lesson from that (myself included, because I do forget sometimes). I really do think he loved me MORE.

He even came out of his room with his listening ears attached.

5 comments:

Laura said...

Go figure...I want to know if you had to change his shorts too from his waiting for the actual spanking? He is such a stinkhead. But I love him the more and he makes me laugh my face off!

I also want to know if you got thown in jail by grandma?

Darla said...

No, thank goodness. Grandma wasn't there so I was safe.

Graceful Threads said...

Enjoyed this post Sister! Love the disclaimer about spanking...so are there laws about stuff like that in Canada? I heard that there were certain things preachers were legally not supposed to preach.

Darla said...

Not yet, but it's always a worry because every so often I hear of ridiculous stories where the kids were removed from homes (usually large family, RELIGIOUS, homeschooled) because of spanking. Corporal punishment is not illegal, but it definitely is misinterpreted.

Rachel Peterson said...

I wish I had been allowed to spank my kids in Vernon. They would have been a lot better behaved.